Literally.
It might not be the best way to start this whole thing, but it is my reality. Another friend announces she is pregnant and I start another period, all within twenty four hours. How much longer can I pitifully display happiness for those that have achieved what I want so badly and at the same time dread all the future announcements that are not my own?
That was all this past weekend. Now on to today...
I had my baseline sono today for my 6th IUI cycle. While sitting in the waiting room, I started to have one of those moments where you feel everyone else moving around you while you remain totally still. I was looking at the other patients coming in and felt like they were all experiencing some kind of great progress, while I sat completely stagnant in the perfectly coordinated office furniture.
The sono tech thinks she has found a cyst, but apparently upon review my doctor feels that it is a 'functioning cyst' with a small blood clot that will remove itself naturally from my body. Could someone please explain what the hell a 'functioning cyst' is? Does it have a pulse? A brain? What?? I see the doctor as I am getting ready to check out and begin to feel the tears creeping up. I am trying to hold it together, to not be that 'fragile' girl, but I do a fairly lousy job. The doctor said to me, " You are getting tired of this aren't you?". Um, affirmative doc. I am tired of this. Remember how last time you said it was our best chance to date? Yet here I am again.
The upside to today is that insurance is actually going to cover the office visit which is totally unheard of. I guess you have to pick your battles.
So I will start taking Clomid again tonight and we will commence with the last Clomid/IUI cycle before a one month break and then on to whatever else. Feeling tired is the understatement of the year and a half that we have traveled this journey and I would like some rest.
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