Wednesday marks the first step of the injectables leg of our journey. I will go to my injectables class and attempt to be as studious as possible. This is all in preparation for our May injects/IUI cycle. I think once I get to the class the reality will set in. I am really quite sad that things have come to this. This isn't what I had planned on, and I only wish that I could be as hopeful as I was the day of our first IUI. Increased cynicism has proven to be a natural consequence of each failure.
After Wednesday, I am going to mentally and physically take a break from ttc for one month. For one whole month I am going to live my life and not be consumed with how much I want a child. It will definitely be a test for me. To step away from this 'project' is frightening and I don't want to have regrets.
Giving myself the most positive outlook, at the end of this long month I will be ready to hit the ART road at full speed. I will have a renewed spirit and will be fully ready to reap the seeds of hope that I have sown.
Scared? Yes. Worried? Yes. Resilient? Always.
3 comments:
Enjoy your upcoming break. I look forward to those months. Feels like I'm getting my life back.
I felt the life come back to my heart the first few weaks of my break. It was so needed for regrouping, healing, distracting, anything other than focusing on what I couldn't have. I hope your break brings you solace and renewed hope for May. I hope there are no pregnant women in Europe and no children under the age of 13. I hope nothing deters you from enjoying your time off.
I can't wait to hear about all the wonderful places you see. I hope your return post will provide pictures, pictures, pictures.
I've been lurking for a while but wanted to comment because I completely understand the fear of moving forward. Enjoy your break.