Happy 2008 to all!
I have been away for awhile but not for any reason other than letting my insecurity get the best of me. We had a positive, and might I venture to say 'normal', first visit with our OB on 12/18 and then left town for the holiday shortly thereafter. We were in Angel Fire, New Mexico and my husband's family skied while I took it easy and read a lot. Our trip was nice and we actually had snow on Christmas day.
When we returned home I found my mind idle and my anxiety high. Going through fertility treatments gave me plenty of opportunity to be in a doctor's office trying to figure out when the next bend and turn in the road would occur. Now I am left to only seeing a doctor once every four weeks which frightens the hell out of me. I find myself constantly sending reminders to my brain that there is no reason for me to think that something is wrong, and therefore I need to just wind down a bit. It just feels like a lot to handle. On top of that, we have begun to let people in our 'secret'. Everyone seems to be really ecstatic, but the stakes just seem to get higher with every passing moment.
So as a result of all this paranoia, I took on a second full time job as a professional worrier. I am proud to say that I am quite good in this position and very dependable. Please don't think that with my busy schedule I haven't taken the time to read all your blogs because I have been faithfully reading them - every single day. Commenting has even seemed too much, but I am going to try to quit this second job of mine and get back to living life as if everything is okay. I apologize for not being more supportive in written form, but I promise that I have had you all in my thoughts and supported you from afar.
I owe an apology to Alison for never posting my tree substitute (she knows what I am talking about). Sorry Alison!
Be sure to stop over and tell Larisa congratulations! She had her little one today, and it looks like everything is perfect. :)
We now return to the waiting game. We have our next appointment on 1/15 and it hopefully will help to ease some of my fear. I desperately want to get swept up in this pregnancy and enjoy every moment for what it is worth, but the worry keeps dragging me away. Let's hope that the tides will turn for the better very soon. And not just for my fear, but for all of us no matter where we are in our journey.
Today I am 11 weeks and 2 days pregnant, and it feels good to be back.
12 comments:
Ohhh, sweetie, no need to apologize! I totally understand. I'm glad you're back though! Or at least just checking in. :) I hope the next appointment eases your worries and calms your fears. You're in my thoughts!
I think I am working for your same second company of Worry,Inc. I am actually convinced that I am better at my second job then my primary job. Those 4 week waits are KILLER .. I hear ya. Glad you are back and will do all my best to make us stop our second jobs
Congratulations on everything, and good luck with letting go of the worry. I was such a terrible worrier during my pregnancy, especially the first trimester, so I totally relate.
Glad to see your post! Im sorry that worry has a tight grip--hoping that once 1/15 comes and goes you will feel very reassured and can dump the worry=)
Man oh man....do I understand that 2nd full time job. I hope soon your get the comfort you need to embrace this pregnancy and go with the flow.
11 weeks....how exciting.
You are almost to the 2nd trimester!! I won't tell you not to worry because that's impossible, but I hope that you will be able to enjoy this pregnancy. You deserve to relish every minute!!
Good to hear from you! I am glad everything is still going well. 1/15 can't come soon enough! :)
Welcome back!!!!
So happy! And so glad you are almost out of that firs trimester-exciting!!!
I know you're reading and I appreciate the continued support even though you get to move on to 11 weeks!!! That's some crazy time gone by!
And as for the worrying, well what kind of infertile would you be if you didn't worry?
Awwwww, 11w, 2 d! That is fantastic! These 4 ww are a witch aren't they?
courtney, thank you SO much for keeping up with me, welcoming me back into the community, and being so supportive!
i've been lurking over here for a while, and i can't wait to hear more about your beautiful bean!